Things I understand in Thai:

1. The words/phrases: 'Foreigner', 'Look, look!', 'Thank You', '31', 'Stir-fried vegetables', 'Hello', 'Island', 'Elephant', 'No', 'Sir/Ma-am'.

2. The drink I am currently drinking contains (in the leaf family) Spinach, Chinese Celery, Cabbage (the roots...), Carrot, Beetroot, Onion (& the froots...), Apple, Orange, Guava, White Grape, Passion (froot), Pineapple, Mango, Banana, Apricot, Cucumber, Lemon, Chili.

[As a little aside, here are some of the other drinks I have recently been enjoying in Thailand: Iced Mango Margarita (with the saltiest rim), Jacob's Creek (Props to Anjie), Soy Milk, Arabic coffee fresh from Israel (so nice I can drink it black), Vanilla Absolut Vodka with Sprite/Iced Green Tea (delete as appropriate depending on amount of said Vodka already consumed and level of Sprite supplies), Soy Milk, Spy Wine Coolers, Earl Grey Tea & Soy Milk.]

3. The 'V' peace sign means 'cute', hence why all the Thai kids whip their fingers out for photos.

4. Thai people cannot equal me in my desire of & quest for humous.

5. L.G.F.C. is not a football club, as I first thought when asked if I was in it. It is, of course, the Lady Gaga Fan Club.

Tuesday, 10th August 2010

I've spent the past couple of weeks on camps and in Laos (for a visa). While I was away Joe went to a temple and chose me my fortune, which I'm so so pleased to say is the most depressing thing I've ever read:

'Just like a little bird waiting for mate, life looks gloomy. Wait lonely until eventually turn out to be hunter's victim. Useless and wastes time. No signs of success. Better stop hopeless waiting and forget it. Leaving alone is more comfortable. And so, your intention could be fulfilled. Do refrain from evils, like distance from hunter. Legal arguments are not defensible. No lucks.'

Thanks Joey.

(On the bright side, went two doors down tonight and tried Vanilla Absolut. Verdict: tasty.)

1 month in: here's a week or two of juicy drama-drama...

Day 1 – Saturday 26/06/2010 - The flight was pretty unremarkable. The highlight came while we tried to surreptitiously hide our four drinks (a Gin/Fanta & a Kingfisher each for curiosity’s sake) in order to secure some Rum. This stealthy plan resulted in Joey spilling his Gin all over his lap. The worst thing is I’m sure they would have given us some Rum if we’d just asked, but we kept our heads down after that...

On Saturday night we woke up at about 4am, convinced it was time to get up. A roaring sound prevented us from nodding back off; what we assumed was the air-con turned out to be a tropical rainstorm, so in our jet-lagged, sleep-deprived state we tottered out to the balcony to take a look and poke our heads out into the downpour.

Day 2 - Sunday 27/06/2010 – we found a supermarket and stocked up on only the very basic of bare essentials (read: shot glasses, a torch, several bottles of Rum and a green Fanta-brand drink we have christened "The Green Shit").

Sunday night we went to Khao San Road for the first time to meet Joe’s friend Damon at Mulligan’s Irish Bar. Joe’s pleased because he can watch England lose and catch up with Damon; I’m pleased because I chat with some nice Irish people who are travelling. And there’s a Thai band miming to Lady Gaga songs (at first we thought they were just really good...then we noticed they could sing without opening their mouths and the game was up). We both got drunk and considered getting a Tuk Tuk home (a scooter contraption with a car-seat on the back), but the driver was convinced he wouldn’t take less than 300 baht even though it cost us about 85 baht to get there in the taxi. We haggled but he wouldn’t budge. This was the night I knocked a glass off our balcony and blogged about it almost as speedily as I ran from the crime scene.

Day 5 - Wednesday 30/06/2010 – Jakk (Jakkrapong Kingkun) took us sightseeing to The Golden Buddha, The Reclining Buddha and The Grand Palace. I should have been listening to his little anecdotes and absorbing some culture, but all I can really remember is the stifling heat and the fact that The Reclining Buddha’s feet were made of Mother of Pearl, which made them very pretty. We spent a good while admiring it’s feet (there was a fan there).

Wednesday night Jakk and another Thai AYC staff member whose name I can't remember took us for a night on the tiles. Sort of. We went to a Dutch-sounding Windmill-related restaurant, which had a huge stage at the front so we could watch the Thai performers singing their renditions of Lady Gaga and Maroon 5 while we ate. Not to be missed. We ordered huge beer dispensers that they set at the head of the table so you have litres of beer on tap. Needless to say this resulted in some tipsiness, which is not something I'm exactly opposed to, except we had to get home and Jakk didn’t seem to think a few pints in his gullet should stop him from taxi-ing us back to our apartment. We nearly hit a few guys on scooters, but he didn’t mind (‘I’m not pissed’). I think this is when we officially became fans of Jakk.

Day 7 - Friday 02/07/2010 – Friday night we met Joey’s friend Cal at a bar on his Soi and watched a World Cup match. I wish I could say I knew what teams were playing, but it would be a barefaced lie. (I also wish I could say I cared, but again…) We then went to some bars on Khao San Road for buckets (as in bucket-and-spade buckets) of Sang Som Rum and Coke. At some point during this night Joey and me shared a cheeky kiss, which resulted in a young, giggly Thai girl throwing a bucket of water over us. I can’t say I blame her; Public Displays of Affection are quite hideous, but I don’t think I was as understanding at the time. If I remember correctly I stood with arms out, palms up, a face full of shock and a throat full of outraged squealing. Joe just started swearing about the camera getting wet; an issue that definitely needed our full concern at this point, considering that on our way back to the apartment Bangkok itself decided to throw it’s own monster-bucket of a rainstorm over us. We had a lot of difficulty finding the apartment (or at least the taxi driver did) and were consequently dropped off several blocks away. In a torrential shower. Now, I was more than a little merry, I was wearing a pretty dress and sandals, and I had to walk home in the midst of a tropical rainstorm, so of course I had the time of my life; running ahead, kicking through puddles (more like ankle-deep pools), spinning around and generally being a pain in the arse for Joe. It was the most fabulous journey home. And the camera was fine.

This is the general drunken vibe...

Day 8 - Saturday 03/07/2010 – Tonight we went to a mall type place called Major Cineplex in Ratchayothin. There are loads of restaurants (McDonalds, KFC, Hong Kong Noodle, et al), a bowling alley, a teeny arcade place and a cinema. It’s a lot like the kind of place Americans would go on dates. It’s probably exactly the kind of place people come to Thailand to get away from, but c’est la vie! We were thinking of watching a movie, but there was nothing we fancied (the new Twilight, The A-Team…you can see our predicament) so we just wandered about. I liked people watching because the Thai teenagers were all milling about in cool clothes and there was a little market outside full of pretty dresses and clothes and cute accessories. There was a wee bit of drama-drama on the way home because we didn’t have the apartment address-card we normally show taxi drivers so they know where to take us. I think we got kicked out of the first taxi after a whole ten seconds, but the next guy took us in the direction we pointed and Joey figured out the route home after we found a big orange canister thing that reads ‘SEAFCO’ (which would end up being a shining beacon of hope whenever we were lost).

Day 9 - Sunday 04/07/2010 – Sunday was a lazy day and quite frankly I doubt you want to hear about it because all I can remember doing is the laundry. Interesting fact though: the first time I’ve ever done my own laundry entirely by myself is in Thailand. And I bet not many people can say that. Except Thais I guess. I started reading (scrap that: devouring) Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which was a leaving present from one Michael O’Brien. Straight away it was one of the most inspirational stories I’ve ever read. This was magnified a thousandfold with the strategic placing on every few pages of some wonderfully inspiring travel quotes by one of the most inspirational people in my life. Most Enjoyable Reading Experience award. And that’s no easy feat. (I have read Jane Austen after all...)

(This Month,) Day 10 - Monday 05/07/2010 – We ended up back at Ratchayothin and went to the Cineplex to watch Toy Story in 3D. In Thailand they show a clip of the King before they start a film and everybody in the cinema rises. I think they were singing the national anthem (of course we didn’t know about this and as a result received a few hard stares). Just a cultural titbit for you.

Day 12 - Wednesday 07/07/2010 – We met some Thai schoolgirls in the liquor store at Tesco. I would have guessed they were about 17 but was confused by the school uniform and the ease with which they were purchasing liquor. They had a bit of English so made a fuss over us, asking if we were on our honeymoon (!) or vacation. They also said I look like a Barbie. I don’t know what Barbies look like in Thailand but they must be VASTLY different from the ones I had growing up. One of them said her mum is in England at the moment; apparently she’s on "vacation" in Newcastle of all places…per chi?! Whilst at Tesco we were sure to absorb as much culture as possible by purchasing some Thai music in the form of Bodyslam’s new album. As far as I can tell they play what I would call 'pop' music, we favoured them as Jakk plays their music in the car quite a lot. We got it purely for fun...I guess they might have a hidden poetic depth behind their pop sound, but I wouldn’t know anyway; they selfishly sing in Thai. Whatever, we listened to the album while we got ready to go out and it pretty much did the job.

On Wednesday night we went back to Khao San Road (our favourite haunt by now) because I wanted a fish pedicure. The woman who came and dragged us off the road started tickling my hand (I think she was trying to describe the treatment through the medium of prodding and scratching) and she was giggling about it more than I was. Basically the “pedicure” involves sitting around the edge of a big pool of fish and putting your feet into the pool, at which point the fish go effing WILD, surrounding your feet and biting the hell out of them. I must have had a lot of dead skin because they were extremely attracted to me. This did not bode well for anyone in the vicinity because I have extremely sensitive, ticklish feet (the kind where if you try to tickle my feet, regardless of whether I love you, I will kick you in the face…) so I was a bit of a Squealy Healy. You do get used to it after a while though and with a bottle of Chang in my hand I ended up enjoying the experience. I was also pleased that my toenail varnish remained perfectly preserved. Thank the heavens the little fishies don’t have a taste for Barry M. We went to a bar after to watch some football game or another. Probably something to do with the World Cup.

Day 13 - Thursday 08/07/2010 – I don’t think we did much Thursday. I just remember we went to a weird restaurant. I’ve since learned it’s a Korean BBQ place, but basically you go up to a buffet table and pick your meat, noodles, veggies, sauces, et al and then bring it back to your table and cook it on this odd little table-top cooker. But we had absolutely no idea what we were doing and everyone seemed very aware of this; there were a lot of stares. I don’t really know what we ate that night...

Day 14 - Friday 09/07/2010 - By today we were quite bored of staying in the apartment waiting to be contacted by AYC. They were supposed to be getting Joe a school by Thursday of the first week and we were also supposed to be moving to a new apartment about this time, so we were a bit stir-crazy from waiting. We decided to book a mini-bus to Ko Samet, an Island South of Bangkok, so that we could get away for the weekend, go to the beach and swim in the sea...

Thailand: Day 2

Yesterday we invented a new drink: Red Cock and Green Fanta (Orange, pineapple and banana...no idea where the green comes from). Joey named it 'Hulk' and it's almost as lethal as The Incredible. (Update: He doesn't know if he prefers 'Hulk' or 'Turbo Slime'...views?) The night ended with me knocking a glass off our fourth floor balcony, giggling like a tit in a giggle-shop and running away in case the security guard looked up. I will update properly with flight highlights, first few days, etc, but for now I just wanted to log last night's cocktail. Red Cock-tail. That's awful, but it's staying. Sorry. X